What If Your “Bad Habit” Is Trying to Tell You Something?

You know one of my most challenging habits? Scrolling at night when I really should be resting.

It's a problem I kept thinking I needed to fix. I was embarrassed about it because it took up so much time and made me feel like I was wasting precious time. I felt like it stopped me being productive. And interestingly, it was a habit that I judged in others because I saw how distracted they were. All in all, it just made me feel like I had no control over myself.

So I set about coming up with a solution. I would put my phone in another room at the other end of the house. I've talked about getting an alarm clock for my bedroom so my phone stays out of bedtime. I've taken apps off my phone, switched it off and tried many other things. Don't get me wrong, these changes help, but they did not get down to the underlying problem.

So rather than thinking, "What's wrong with me?", I started noticing, "What's going on for me" instead.

What do I need when I pick up the phone and start scrolling?

Sometimes I just wanted to escape, so I acknowledged that and gave myself the OK.

I started chatting to friends about it and through this self-exploration, I realised that I find it hard to fully stop and rest. This is a lifelong pattern I was able to stop and notice.

When I've got a lot going on in life, I scroll more. It feels more comfortable to write social posts and save posts from accounts I like than it does to rest.

Ahhhhh...... I need to rest, but I can't switch off.

Ahhhh, scrolling helps me feel productive and valuable and helps me ignore that I feel tired and overwhelmed.

Ohhhh..... so I need to rest. Then my brain has more time to recover and I will feel less stressed.

Ohhh.... so what do I really need when I start scrolling?

Maybe I need to call a friend or chat to my partner about what's going on for me.

Maybe I need to take a walk in nature, listen to a calming guided visualisation, read a fiction novel or watch a travel show.

Maybe I just need more sleep.

Now, rather than being angry or frustrated with myself for scrolling again, I am choosing to bring compassionate awareness to my choices.

I still take my phone out of the room, but I also ask myself what I really need. Then I do my best to respond with care and understanding.

Have I completely stopped scrolling?

NO!

I still catch myself mindlessly escaping reality.

But now I know there is a need beneath the behaviour, and I don't start by calling myself lazy, unmotivated or out of control.

Instead, I can get curious.

What's going on for me right now?

Mel x

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